So, I thought that I should probably update this blog before my hubby gets home, and I lose all sense of reality. lol.
I'm noticing that as I prepare for his return, I'm going through some of the same things that I did right before and then right after he left 4 and a half months ago.
For instance,
-I cry for no reason, at strange times.
-I clean for unknown reasons.
-I'm eating lots of chocolate.
-I keep running out of ways to keep myself busy.
-I'm counting the hours!!
I just can't believe that he's coming home. This time tomorrow, we will be together again, and it's just crazy to think of where I was back in January.
I wanted to take this as an opportunity to thank all of my wonderful friends and family that stuck by me during this crazy time. I can't believe how much has happened, and I don't think I would have made it through without all of your support and love.
Through this deployment, I've learned that my family is my rock, I've learned about grief and loss, and I've also learned that I can handle so much more than I give myself credit for. Each and every day I would wake up and think, "Alright life, what do you have for me today? What's the next problem you're gonna throw at me?" After awhile, I started to make myself look at it differently. Instead of focusing on the problems that life was presenting, each night, I would make a mental list of all of the moments that made me smile that day. Those were the moments that made me look forward to another day of work, etc.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm completely cured of my anxiety, and that now I can look forward to our next deployment, instead of dreading it. I'm just saying that after this deployment I feel like I know myself better than I ever have before.
Again, thank you to everyone for reading my ridiculous rants and listening to me complain for 4.5 months. You are the best audience a girl could ask for!
I'll try my best to remember to update after the homecoming, but I'm not making any guarantees. Now I'm off to finish cleaning the house.
Much love!
-Jessica
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Day 108: Frightening Times
Sorry for the lack of an update yesterday, but I had too much to deal with to even think about blogging.
Last night, my brother called me around 8:30 or so, and informed me that my dad was in the hospital. He is a track coach at the middle school that I attended, which is also the school where my mom works, and he was at practice after school yesterday. He was running with some of the kids and fell and hit his head on the asphalt. Apparently, he was unconscious, and they had to do CPR on him until the paramedics arrived, and when they got there, they had to shock him with the paddles because his heart rate was so irregular. Sooo anyway, they took him into the hospital, and put him on some sedatives, and then hooked him up to a ventilator. Last night he had a couple of tests, because they don't know what caused him to fall, and he later woke up and was responsive, etc. But he was in the ICU last night and all day today. I actually just got word from my mom that they finally moved him into his own room, so that's a step in the right direction.
I just don't know what to do. I know I have to be here to greet Kent and be with him when he FINALLY gets home.. (that's another rant), but the daughter in me wants to just hop in the car right now and drive back up to St. Louis to be with my dad and my family. I don't know what kind of difference that I could make by being there with them, but I just feel so helpless....and I hate that I'm alone through all of this. I just my husband back sooo bad. I feel like within the 5 months that he's been gone, I've been through more chaos and pain than I have in a very long time.
It's like the world was waiting for me to be alone to throw all of this at me at once.
Anyway, on top of the stresses of my dad being in the hospital, we had some super awful weather last night, that kept me awake most of the night. There were multiple tornado warnings, and I had to go and sit in my bathtub once for about 20 minutes, but I was very grateful that it all pretty much stayed south of us. I didn't know just how blessed we were though, until I was watching the news tonight and found out that the same storm system that hit us last night tore its way through Mississippi and Alabama, and had some major tornadoes that ended up killing over 60 people. I'm thankful that everyone's okay here, but I'm mourning the loss of those people and praying for their families tonight.
Okay, so I'm not sure I'll be updating quite as frequently after this. I'm just a little burned out on it I think. I'm just ready for my husband to be home, and I'm ready to find out what caused my father (who, by the way, is only 52) fell and smacked his head so hard that he doesn't remember yesterday at all....
Please keep my father in your prayers in the coming weeks. I'll do my best to keep this blog updated.
Much love to all!
-Jessica
Last night, my brother called me around 8:30 or so, and informed me that my dad was in the hospital. He is a track coach at the middle school that I attended, which is also the school where my mom works, and he was at practice after school yesterday. He was running with some of the kids and fell and hit his head on the asphalt. Apparently, he was unconscious, and they had to do CPR on him until the paramedics arrived, and when they got there, they had to shock him with the paddles because his heart rate was so irregular. Sooo anyway, they took him into the hospital, and put him on some sedatives, and then hooked him up to a ventilator. Last night he had a couple of tests, because they don't know what caused him to fall, and he later woke up and was responsive, etc. But he was in the ICU last night and all day today. I actually just got word from my mom that they finally moved him into his own room, so that's a step in the right direction.
I just don't know what to do. I know I have to be here to greet Kent and be with him when he FINALLY gets home.. (that's another rant), but the daughter in me wants to just hop in the car right now and drive back up to St. Louis to be with my dad and my family. I don't know what kind of difference that I could make by being there with them, but I just feel so helpless....and I hate that I'm alone through all of this. I just my husband back sooo bad. I feel like within the 5 months that he's been gone, I've been through more chaos and pain than I have in a very long time.
It's like the world was waiting for me to be alone to throw all of this at me at once.
Anyway, on top of the stresses of my dad being in the hospital, we had some super awful weather last night, that kept me awake most of the night. There were multiple tornado warnings, and I had to go and sit in my bathtub once for about 20 minutes, but I was very grateful that it all pretty much stayed south of us. I didn't know just how blessed we were though, until I was watching the news tonight and found out that the same storm system that hit us last night tore its way through Mississippi and Alabama, and had some major tornadoes that ended up killing over 60 people. I'm thankful that everyone's okay here, but I'm mourning the loss of those people and praying for their families tonight.
Okay, so I'm not sure I'll be updating quite as frequently after this. I'm just a little burned out on it I think. I'm just ready for my husband to be home, and I'm ready to find out what caused my father (who, by the way, is only 52) fell and smacked his head so hard that he doesn't remember yesterday at all....
Please keep my father in your prayers in the coming weeks. I'll do my best to keep this blog updated.
Much love to all!
-Jessica
Monday, April 25, 2011
Day 106: Cat Love
Well, I was lucky enough to not have to go into work today, so I decided to spend the morning with my mom instead of leaving early. We went to Goodwill, Target, and had lunch at Subway. Good morning. Also, I made a poster for Kent's Homecoming, and my mom laminated it for me this morning, so now it's water-proof!
Yay!
I left around 2, and drove through quite a bit of rain, but nothing too serious, which I was thankful for.
When I got home, my cat was SOOO happy to get to see me. She's been acting Extra obnoxious, and it makes me feel bad for leaving her this weekend. I also found a spot of fur on my bed, where I can tell she's been sleeping quite a bit this weekend.
At least I know that she loves me. :)
So, the waiting game continues with Kent's Homecoming...I'm hoping it's soon, but who really knows at this point.
So, even though I hate to leave my parents' house, I'm really glad that I'm back home. I missed my real bed, and I missed having a tv in my bedroom, and of course, I missed my kitty cat! She's being soooo sweet, it would almost be worth it to leave her more often, just to get this kind of loving from her. lol.
Alrighty.
G'night all!
Tomorrow I'm back to life as usual, unless I get a phonecall telling me otherwise. lol.
Much love!
-Jessica
Yay!
I left around 2, and drove through quite a bit of rain, but nothing too serious, which I was thankful for.
When I got home, my cat was SOOO happy to get to see me. She's been acting Extra obnoxious, and it makes me feel bad for leaving her this weekend. I also found a spot of fur on my bed, where I can tell she's been sleeping quite a bit this weekend.
At least I know that she loves me. :)
So, the waiting game continues with Kent's Homecoming...I'm hoping it's soon, but who really knows at this point.
So, even though I hate to leave my parents' house, I'm really glad that I'm back home. I missed my real bed, and I missed having a tv in my bedroom, and of course, I missed my kitty cat! She's being soooo sweet, it would almost be worth it to leave her more often, just to get this kind of loving from her. lol.
Alrighty.
G'night all!
Tomorrow I'm back to life as usual, unless I get a phonecall telling me otherwise. lol.
Much love!
-Jessica
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Day 105: Happy Easter!
Happy Easter everyone! Christ is risen!
What an awesome day. I went to church with my parents this morning, and was reminded of how much I love my home church. It just makes me feel like I'm home. I don't know. It's made me want to go looking for a contemporary church in town again, because I just feel like I get so much more out of a contemporary service than the more traditional services. With the contemporary music, I can focus more on the emotions than trying to pronounce all of the words, and follow the tune. The newer songs just seem to flow so much better....maybe I'm just picky, but all I know is that as soon as I started singing with the Praise group this morning, I was verklempt! I even had to wipe away a couple tears.
Whatever. I'm just an emotional person.
Anyway, after church it was back to the house for bacon and eggs, as per usual Sunday mornings, and my parents went to the Fox to usher the matinee show. I spent the afternoon cleaning out all of my stuffed animals, and deciding which ones I still wanted and which ones I didn't. fun fun.
After my parents returned, we headed out to my grandparents' house on my dad's side of the family for Easter Dinner. It was soooo good. And actually, it felt like it was Thanksgiving Dinner in April, because there was Turkey, Ham, Stuffing, Sweet Potatoes, Green Bean Casserole, and desserts galore! Really good dinner! And, I got to share the great news that my hubby's on his way home, so it was a night of excitement.
All around a good day!
Now I'm just waiting to get word from my hubby about where he is now.
Also, I won't know until tomorrow morning about 30 minutes before I would have to leave whether or not I need to go into work tomorrow...so that'll be an adventure. lol.
Alright. G'night all!
much love!
-Jessica
What an awesome day. I went to church with my parents this morning, and was reminded of how much I love my home church. It just makes me feel like I'm home. I don't know. It's made me want to go looking for a contemporary church in town again, because I just feel like I get so much more out of a contemporary service than the more traditional services. With the contemporary music, I can focus more on the emotions than trying to pronounce all of the words, and follow the tune. The newer songs just seem to flow so much better....maybe I'm just picky, but all I know is that as soon as I started singing with the Praise group this morning, I was verklempt! I even had to wipe away a couple tears.
Whatever. I'm just an emotional person.
Anyway, after church it was back to the house for bacon and eggs, as per usual Sunday mornings, and my parents went to the Fox to usher the matinee show. I spent the afternoon cleaning out all of my stuffed animals, and deciding which ones I still wanted and which ones I didn't. fun fun.
After my parents returned, we headed out to my grandparents' house on my dad's side of the family for Easter Dinner. It was soooo good. And actually, it felt like it was Thanksgiving Dinner in April, because there was Turkey, Ham, Stuffing, Sweet Potatoes, Green Bean Casserole, and desserts galore! Really good dinner! And, I got to share the great news that my hubby's on his way home, so it was a night of excitement.
All around a good day!
Now I'm just waiting to get word from my hubby about where he is now.
Also, I won't know until tomorrow morning about 30 minutes before I would have to leave whether or not I need to go into work tomorrow...so that'll be an adventure. lol.
Alright. G'night all!
much love!
-Jessica
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Day 104: Friends! What a Great Day!
Today was a really good one.
I started my say with my former Maid of Honor, Val, and we went to David's Bridal, where she needed to pick out shoes for the wedding that she is currently playing the part of MOH. It was really great to get to catch up with her, and it made me remember how awesome last summer was!
Then, I was off to the US Cellular store to pay my bill and get Kent's phone turned back on. Success.
Following that productive tidbit of my day, I spent 3 hours in a St. Louis Bread Co. with my girlfriends from college! It was super awesome. It's been sooo long since it's just been us girls, and it was great to just sit, eat, and talk FOREVER! I knew it was getting out of hand when we had been sitting there so long that I was beginning to want more food. lol. All in all, just a great way to spend the afternoon.
Girls, we need to do that more often!
After my girl time, we headed out to my grandma's house for Easter celebrations. We had some really good steaks, and my mom even made Cherry Dump Cake!! yay! Oh, and we played a round of Scrabble, and I won! great night!
I got to talk to Kent this morning on Skype, but just through instant messaging. But, it was nice to know that he IS indeed on the move. Haven't heard from him since, but I can only hope that means that his journey's continuing and he's not stuck at his first stop still. I am completely prepared to get a phone call from the automated system that makes me hop in the car before the Easter festivities are complete tomorrow! I just can't believe that he's coming home, and that I will be back to normal life, if only for a little bit! yay!!!!
Okay, this happy girl needs to get some much needed sleep. I only got 4 hours last night, so hopefully I'll do better tonight. Church in the morning, and then it's off to my other grandma's house for Easter dinner.
Much love to all!
-Jessica
I started my say with my former Maid of Honor, Val, and we went to David's Bridal, where she needed to pick out shoes for the wedding that she is currently playing the part of MOH. It was really great to get to catch up with her, and it made me remember how awesome last summer was!
Then, I was off to the US Cellular store to pay my bill and get Kent's phone turned back on. Success.
Following that productive tidbit of my day, I spent 3 hours in a St. Louis Bread Co. with my girlfriends from college! It was super awesome. It's been sooo long since it's just been us girls, and it was great to just sit, eat, and talk FOREVER! I knew it was getting out of hand when we had been sitting there so long that I was beginning to want more food. lol. All in all, just a great way to spend the afternoon.
Girls, we need to do that more often!
After my girl time, we headed out to my grandma's house for Easter celebrations. We had some really good steaks, and my mom even made Cherry Dump Cake!! yay! Oh, and we played a round of Scrabble, and I won! great night!
I got to talk to Kent this morning on Skype, but just through instant messaging. But, it was nice to know that he IS indeed on the move. Haven't heard from him since, but I can only hope that means that his journey's continuing and he's not stuck at his first stop still. I am completely prepared to get a phone call from the automated system that makes me hop in the car before the Easter festivities are complete tomorrow! I just can't believe that he's coming home, and that I will be back to normal life, if only for a little bit! yay!!!!
Okay, this happy girl needs to get some much needed sleep. I only got 4 hours last night, so hopefully I'll do better tonight. Church in the morning, and then it's off to my other grandma's house for Easter dinner.
Much love to all!
-Jessica
Day 103: Great news!
Just a tidbit, since it's almost 4 o'clock in the morning.
Went home this weekend. Just barely made it home before a big storm came through St. Louis. Apparently a tornado touched down at the airport, so now all flights are canceled until further notice. Bummer.
But AWESOME NEWS!
My hubby's on the move!
What a great great great great day!
Okay, now I MUST try to sleep....we'll see if this works or not.....
much love!
-Jessica
Went home this weekend. Just barely made it home before a big storm came through St. Louis. Apparently a tornado touched down at the airport, so now all flights are canceled until further notice. Bummer.
But AWESOME NEWS!
My hubby's on the move!
What a great great great great day!
Okay, now I MUST try to sleep....we'll see if this works or not.....
much love!
-Jessica
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day 102: Just a Little Hello!
Don't really have a lot to talk about tonight. I'm just preparing to leave to go to my parents' house for Easter this weekend, and I'm really excited because I get to see a whole bunch of friends and a whole bunch of family! This will be my last hurrah before Kent comes home, and I'm just really excited to see everyone. Especially since the next time I see everyone, I will be accompanied by my other half! :)
So, I've been cleaning up the house, making sure Peaches' litter box is clean, making sure she's got enough food for the weekend, etc. etc. My suitcase is packed, and I'm hitting the road as soon as I'm done with work tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get to leave early tomorrow too!
AHHH so excited!
I just have one more day of work before a weekend full of good times and great food!
I'll see you all this weekend!
That's all I have for tonight....sorry to disappoint. :P
-Jessica
So, I've been cleaning up the house, making sure Peaches' litter box is clean, making sure she's got enough food for the weekend, etc. etc. My suitcase is packed, and I'm hitting the road as soon as I'm done with work tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get to leave early tomorrow too!
AHHH so excited!
I just have one more day of work before a weekend full of good times and great food!
I'll see you all this weekend!
That's all I have for tonight....sorry to disappoint. :P
-Jessica
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