Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day 70: Trudging through this month

So, for a while there, this month was just flying by, and it was getting me excited that it would soon be April, and that my hubby would be home in the blink of an eye. Well, if this weekend is any indicator as to how the rest of this month is going to feel, then I'm in store for a very long 11 days.....Sigh. This weekend just seemed to trudge along very slowly.
It probably didn't help that I went from having my parents here, and two people to talk to all the time, to going back to talking to a cat. lol. It's also been a rough couple of days, which is to be expected, but today, I definitely felt a lot better than yesterday. I'm still not happy, or even content, really. But I think I'm beginning to reach the stage of acceptance. Not sure though. I've never really been through the grieving process before, except with this deployment, but the loss of a family member is just a whole other monster than a deployment.
I'm supposed to be at work tomorrow at noon, unless I get a call telling me otherwise, and I'm nervous. I'm excited to see my babies again, and stop dwelling over my sadness, but at the same time, I really don't want to cry at work. I'm doing what I can to try and keep my personal business out of work, but I don't know if when they ask me, "how was your weekend, jessica?", if I'll be able to just say that it was fine. I don't know. Hopefully I don't have a breakdown in public. But, whatever, we'll just have to wait and see.

I made it to church today, which I think was really good for me. It was good to 1. get out of the house, and 2. get to spend some time talking to God in a church setting. And yes, I began to cry several times, including during prayers, when they prayed for those who are grieving the loss of loved ones, etc. So, yeah, I was one of those people who cry in church....again.... But it really made me feel more at peace about losing my aunt. It was a good purging of emotions. I could feel the love of the congregation, and of the Lord in that room this morning, and it was comforting to know that strangers were, in effect, praying for me and my family.

Anyway. Today was better than yesterday.
That's all I can really say. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for all your kind words about my mom. :) I love you!! You can get through this. Just know she's in a much much better place. She couldn't wait to go to Heaven!! She was so excited and so at peace with going.